


Sweet Like Cinnamon

by YulianaHenderson



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Established Relationship, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff and Smut, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Soft Eli, Soft Thrawn, Top Thrawn, a little bit at least, and also things spiral out of control at one point, bottom eli, but you know i crave some romance sometimes so eventually everything's going to be fine, gets progressively more smutty, he's a good top, thrawn knows how to take care of eli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:42:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29153742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YulianaHenderson/pseuds/YulianaHenderson
Summary: Eli Vanto knew this galaxy didn't prefer him to be with men, and after a while, he had mostly made peace with that. He hadn't exactly been interested in repeating his sole sexual experience, the awkward one-time-only event with his former girlfriend, and also not wanting to invoke the wrath of the homophobic Empire if he attempted to frolic around with some of the men.Some had been attractive, yes. But he hadn't been that interested.But of course, that one Chiss had to change it all.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Again, horrible at writing summaries, I swear it's better inside (I think, at least.) Also, long ass Author's Note because y'all know me.  
> So I finished Ascendancy the other day (idk why I put it off for so long but when I did end up reading it, it took me like 10x longer than usual because I was constantly swooning over soft Thrawn and laughing at Ar'alani being doing with his shit). It has nothing to do with this story, other than perhaps the softness that Thrawn had back in those days that he doesn't really show anymore in the later works, but I elected to put it to the forefront again because I adore soft Thrawn. (I mean, when he taught Che'ri to fly a plane, that was by far the best scene in any of the Thrawn books I've read, at least the best scene in which Eli doesn't appear.  
> Also, fair warning: I have never written any m/m smut, I have read a lot of it especially for these two, but this is my first time writing gay smut. I've written f/m smut, and that wasn't my strongest suit, so you'll have to excuse me if it feels a little off at times. I tried to do my research, lol!  
> TL:DR; First time writing M/M smut, first chapters start off more fluffy but gets smuttier as time progresses. Enjoy!

Eli Vanto had only ever been with a woman.

_ Once _ .

He was painfully aware of just how inexperienced he was when it came to sex - to no fault of his own, he felt the need to add. It wasn't like he'd had ample opportunity to be with a man, his mother would have probably killed him if only she knew how he thought of men. She loved him, but that didn't seem to be more powerful than her homophobia. 

For the longest time, he hadn't even missed it. He hadn't felt the need for sex until he was well into his teenage years, and even then, he knew where he stood on things and knew his wishes wouldn't be granted. 

He had been with a girl, Rose, his true savior. Their relationship had been kind and loving and respectful, but not the kind of 'head-over-heels' love he had read about so often in his holo-novels. Rose knew how disliked he was at home, and how his parents would respect him if he introduced them to a girlfriend, so after a deep discussion on the topic, decided that she would be his girlfriend for as long as it was necessary, and she would not take no for an answer. He had appreciated her presence, and his parents had respected him a bit more during their relationship, but all of the bullyings returned when he could no longer keep the charade going and had broken up with Rose. Which had been a long time coming, because as sweet as it was for Rose to be with him, she couldn't hold herself back all this time for his sake - he simply wouldn't allow it.

But they had made love. Just the one time. And it had been awkward, his first and her only slightly more experienced, and he had vowed never to ask a woman to stoop this low for him again. 

He hadn't been with  _ anyone _ after that, knowing he didn't prefer women and knowing the galaxy didn't prefer him with men, and after a while, he had mostly made peace with that. He hadn't exactly been interested in repeating his sole sexual experience, and also not wanting to invoke the wrath of the homophobic Empire if he attempted to frolic around with some of the men.

Some had been attractive, yes. But he hadn't been  _ that _ interested.

But of course, that  _ one _ Chiss had to change it all.

Mitth'raw'nuruodo had the best-looking arms in the entire galaxy, Eli was certain of that. He had seen many bare arms during his time at the Academy, and none compared to those of the Chiss. He wondered what it would feel like when those arms wrapped around him tightly and-

No. Nope. Remember, Eli Vanto, you're a virgin for a reason, and you don't have to have it repeated so often. 

But then, of course, things happened, as they often did, and he didn't have a complete recollection of events leading up to it, but eventually, he found himself two months into a relationship with just that Chiss, and he wondered how he hadn't given in to this feeling inside of him more often. He felt like the happiest man inside Thrawn's arms.

There was one thing about their relationship, however, that was starting to eat at Eli's conscience. He had not quite overcome his self-enforced celibacy, and his mind was truly set on staying that way. Eli knew that a relationship between two adults shouldn't be this way, however, and wondered how Thrawn still stuck by his side, with only kisses and hand-holding (in private) like innocent little schoolchildren. 

It didn’t matter that Eli loved just that, to be with Thrawn, talk with him on a personal level, hold his hand under the table when they were having dinner on some planet that was rather  _ traditional _ in its views on love. He loved cuddling with him in bed, fully-clothed, holding on tightly to the Chiss while discussing stupid little things until they both fell asleep.

There was a growing need… but it wasn't strong enough to overcome the rest.

One night, as Thrawn had slipped into Eli's room and had kissed him deeply for a while, before they had slipped into bed and each other's arms, Eli decided that he was ready for the next step. So he kissed Thrawn again, slowly this time, sensually, hopefully showing in that way what it was he was aiming for. Thrawn smiled against his lips only briefly, but then pushed Eli gently away and looked into his eyes. 

"What is the matter, my love?"

"I'm ready," Eli said before he would change his mind. He leaned in to kiss the other again, but Thrawn held him at only a slight distance from himself. 

"No, you're not."

"What are you talking about? Of course I am."

Thrawn looked at him intensely, and Eli was certain he would give in to the advances he was putting on him, but the Chiss sighed and pulled away completely.

"Eli, what is this about?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Thrawn tilted his head to the side just slightly, enough for Eli to give up all pretenses. 

"Thrawn, I… I feel like I'm not the right one for you. I'm holding you back.”

“Holding me back how, exactly?”

Eli looked at Thrawn for a while, knowing that he wanted to be frank with him but not knowing how to say it. He felt bad enough about his own antics in this relationship, he didn’t want to make it even more real by voicing them out loud. Eventually, he shook his head and lay back against the pillows. Their arms were still touching, and they were both silent for a bit.

That was until Thrawn had enough of the silence and turned towards him.

“I think I see what this is about. Do you think I’m lacking anything because we’re not having intercourse?”

That was one way to say it, and a rather professional way, too. Count on Thrawn to bring it as straight to the point as possible. 

“Eli, my love… if I have ever given you the impression that I’m not satisfied with our relationship, I apologize. Since we got together, I have felt incredibly happy, and loved, and cherished. I have never felt this way. I did not chase intercourse because… because, well, you’re special to me, Eli, and I didn’t want to rush anything. What we have together now, I love it too much to be lost to nameless pleasure. And... I could sense that you were not ready for it.” He paused, and let his hand hover just an inch or so above Eli’s arm, sending goosebumps all the way up to his neck. “If you say you’re ready now, then we’re ready, but, if you’re not… I have no objections to waiting. And if you’re never ready… that’s alright, too. I love being with you like this. I love  _ you _ , Eli.”

Needless to say, and rather unsurprisingly, Eli ended up crying in Thrawn’s arms, never, in his entire life, having encountered someone as compassionate and kind and sympathetic as the Chiss holding him at that moment. And he knew, whenever he was in these arms, he didn’t have to explain anything. Thrawn would have him no matter what, and perhaps Eli didn’t deserve that, but maybe he did.

He wouldn’t complain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the brief chapter was just a brief intro: this chapter is where the fun begins! Again, it gets progressively more smutty and this gets smutty, especially at the end, so if that's not your cup of tea, you'd do well to pick another story to read!  
> Thanks for the kudos!

Eli didn’t sleep well that night, even though he had fallen asleep inside Thrawn’s arms, and that was definitely the best way to fall asleep, period. 

He kept thinking about what Thrawn said. About how warm the words had made him feel, and how safe he felt, how well Thrawn took care of him. He hadn’t had this with anybody. 

He turned onto his side and looked at the Chiss, not surprised that the other was already awake. Thrawn slept less than Eli did, it was simply in his biology, but Eli had often woken up just like this, the man’s strong arms around him and the owner of said arms looking lovingly upon him.

“Good morning,” Thrawn whispered, the smile on his lips reaching his eyes, creasing the skin there most beautifully. Eli fell for the man even more. And he had made up his mind. Yesterday hadn’t been the moment. Now, though, he felt it was.

He reached up and kissed Thrawn, slowly at first, making the other smile against his lips, and they reached for each other, closing the distance between them. Eli was still only barely awake, and he was well aware of that and wasn’t that apologetic about his kisses being rather lazy. He awoke instantly though when Thrawn’s hand had traveled low enough to cup Eli’s ass and pull him flush against the Chiss, something that had happened before, but with last night’s talk in the back of his mind, sent immediate tingles throughout Eli’s entire body. 

Thrawn pulled away just barely to look at Eli intently, to study him, as it were, and Eli only felt a little uncomfortable under his intense scrutiny. He didn’t pull away, though, and was about to kiss Thrawn again, when the other stopped him briefly.

“Are you sure?”

Eli nodded. Thrawn shook his head.

“If we’re doing this, I need to hear it out loud, Eli. I need to know your limits. The last thing I want is to assume the wrong things.”

But Eli didn’t really know what Thrawn wanted to hear. He didn’t know what to say, really, and after a few moments, the Chiss noticed this, too. He kissed the tip of Eli’s nose and spoke again. 

“Alright. We’ll just take it slow, and you tell me if I’m going too far.”

Eli nodded again, this time more reassured that this was going where he wanted it to go. He didn’t want Thrawn to know just how inexperienced he was on the subject of sex, especially between two men - he wanted Thrawn to be impressed by him, as much as Eli was by the Chiss. But Eli knew the other knew him through and through, and perhaps knew his inexperience of the matter.

They resumed their kissing, and Thrawn’s hand had not left his ass, and pulled him even closer, despite the fact Eli didn’t even think there was any closer to be. He slipped one of his legs in between Thrawn’s, and he was immediately met by the prominent bulge that was now pressed against his leg. His next breath hitched in his throat, and it caused Thrawn to pause in his movements and look at Eli intently again.

Kriff, could he just stop doing that? Eli was trying to get him to fuck him, not psycho-analyze him. But then, that was all part of Thrawn’s kindness and TLC.

Eli simply smiled and kissed him again, pressing further and wrapping an arm around Thrawn’s neck tightly, and they lay like that for a while, kisses heating up at times, becoming sloppy at others, until their lips were just lazily brushing against each other and Eli, rather ashamed for it, felt himself getting sleepy - if pressed, he would say it was the comfortable warmth of the strong body against him.

Thrawn moved away from Eli and the human frowned, confused for a moment why the other was moving away - was  _ getting out of bed _ \- had he done something wrong? Kriff, Eli regretted everyth-

Thrawn reached for his hand and pulled him up, and seemingly effortlessly held Eli against him, eliciting a yelp from Eli, and the human instinctively wrapped his legs around the other’s waist. Then, Thrawn started walking, and Eli had to stifle a chuckle when he noticed how uncharacteristically unsteady the Chiss’s steps were until he had Eli pressed against one of the walls of the ensuite bathroom and was fumbling with the light switch. 

“Let’s get you warmed up,” Thrawn whispered, moving his lips from Eli’s to trail a line down his cheek to his neck and gently sucking at the place where his neck met his shoulder. That alone sent more tingles throughout Eli’s body - he felt blood traveling south and bit his lower lip to keep his moan from escaping. Thrawn looked up briefly with that self-satisfied smile on his lips, content that he had managed such a reaction from his human partner, and then did it again. This time, Eli was not in time to stop the sound he made, and he was only slightly self-conscious of that fact. 

“Shouldn’t we shower afterward?” Eli asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Thrawn smiled against his skin. 

“I intend to take my time with you.”

“Do we have that kind of time?”

Thrawn lifted his eyes to look at Eli and seemed to be aware of the reality for a moment. It was hard to realize that they were still soldiers in a military intent on bloodshed and conquering a galaxy - even more so to remember that Thrawn was his superior officer, which slipped Eli’s mind completely as soon as he slipped inside his arms. 

Thrawn lowered Eli gently, allowing the human to put his feet on the floor, and it was only then Eli realized his knees were slightly shaking. Thrawn noticed, too, and guided him to the toilet, lowering the lid.

“One moment, my love.” Thrawn made to leave the room but turned around before he exited completely. “Feel free to undress. If you want, of course.”

Thrawn  _ snickered _ at the expression on Eli’s face, and the human could feel his face warm as the blush spread all over it, and probably his neck, too. He looked down at his clothing, his functional PJ’s which were anything but sexy. 

He quickly relieved himself in the toilet, then started pulling off his shirt - and at that moment, Thrawn reappeared again, and grinned at the sight before him.

“We’re dismissed for the rest of the morning.”

Then he closed the distance between them and with two firm hands gently holding on to Eli’s upper arms, made him stand up again. Eli barely had time to think before the Chiss’ lips were on his again, and the firm hands were making their way from his upper arms to stroke his chest, pulling gently on his nipples which sent blood to his newly formed erection after their brief pause. Eli moaned and held on to Thrawn tightly, fearing his legs might give out if he didn’t have some leverage somewhere. 

Eli knew what Thrawn looked like underneath that shirt, and knew he didn’t quite compare to that, but he was not quite unfit himself, regular exercise giving him at least the start of a six-pack. But then, of course, Thrawn had to pull off his own shirt, and Eli’s hand that wasn’t holding on to the man for dear life traced those impeccable abs and kriff, his underwear was starting to tighten almost uncomfortably. 

Thrawn put his hands on Eli’s ass again and lifted him, situating him on the edge of the sink and now being at the perfect height to rub their still clothed crotches together. Eli was still trying valiantly not to moan out loud but it was increasingly harder - much like some other parts of him, and Thrawn.

The Chiss pulled back to admire Eli’s chest and those blue hands traced tan skin, the other seemingly truly admiring what he was seeing now. Eli was painfully aware of the fact that while some of their kissing in the past had turned heated, they had never undressed to more than their sleepwear, and despite them both having seen flashes of the other’s (almost) naked body during their time at the Academy, they hadn’t seen each other properly naked for a purpose other than convenience. 

The idea that Eli would finally get to see those delicious abs without obstruction, and see a  _ whole lot more _ if he wanted to, made him almost a little light-headed.

“You’re so beautiful,” Thrawn whispered and leaned in to link their lips again, occasionally biting Eli’s lower lip and fully turning the human into putty. He ran a hand through Eli’s hair and when their kiss ended, if only briefly, they looked at each other again. “Will you take a shower with me, Eli?”

“Kriff yes.”

Thrawn smiled and stepped in close again, one hand on Eli’s lower back to pull them flush against each other again, the other cupping the human’s cheek so they could resume their kissing. Eventually, though, Thrawn took one of Eli’s hands in his and after placing a kiss in the palm, tugged gently to get Eli to hop off the sink. Thrawn’s hands repositioned on Eli’s hips and his fingers hooked into the waistband of Eli’s shorts. He looked at Eli briefly to gauge his response, then pulled both his shorts and his underwear down in a fluent movement, tapping Eli’s feet gently to get rid of the articles of clothing completely. While he was down there, Thrawn pulled his legs underneath him and looked up at Eli, and the man’s face was almost perfectly lined up with Eli’s cock - which had been very grateful at being freed from its confines, half-hard and jumping slightly when the Chiss looked from Eli’s eyes to the part of Eli closest to him.

Thrawn leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Eli’s cock, and the human almost saw stars just from that, stepping backward to fall against the sink. Kriff. Well, his former girlfriend had given head, and he had thought it had been good - he had liked it, at least. But then he only loved her, he hadn’t been madly  _ in love _ with her, and perhaps that made all the difference. Kriff, despite his self-imposed celibacy, he’d had some indecent fantasies about his superior officer quite early on.

_ Eli. Get yourself together. Thrawn has only  _ kissed  _ your cock so far. You’re exaggerating. _

When Eli opened his eyes and looked down, he saw Thrawn smiling up at him, that soft, sweet smile the Chiss literally reserved only for Eli. Thrawn was made of stone while he was on the bridge of the  _ Chimaera _ \- but when his eyes landed on Eli, and especially when they were in private, he practically melted. 

“Alright?”

Eli couldn’t take this much this soon, so he got down to his knees too and kissed Thrawn, an arm around the man’s neck again. Thrawn returned the action with equal enthusiasm, and understood Eli’s feelings completely, his hands going nowhere near Eli’s member for the moment, but instead cradling Eli’s sides and his lower back. 

Much after that was a blur because no matter how much Thrawn was attempting not to stoke Eli’s fire, he did get hotter and more impatient and yet also more lightheaded as time progressed. When he opened his eyes, they were standing in the shower, luke-warm jets of water falling upon them. Perhaps it was the part of Eli that had had countless fantasies of seeing a naked Thrawn with water cascading down his perfect body that had made him return to reality, but he didn’t give it much more thought.

He looked down and felt both warmth spread through his chest, as well as blood rush down - kriff, the man was  _ gorgeous _ . And semi-hard, too. And  _ well-endowed _ . Not that long, but thick, and pretty much the same idea at least as Eli’s. (He was less blessed in that category.)

Eli panicked only briefly - how was he going to take that much? - before brushing it aside. It didn’t have to go that far if he didn’t want to. Thrawn was leaving him ample opportunity to stop if it got too much for Eli.

Thrawn had started to gently rub shower gel over Eli’s body, creating more suds than was probably necessary. He often leaned in and nipped at Eli’s neck, at that pressure point he had discovered earlier, making little moans escape from Eli. The human had to lean against the shower wall not to drop to the floor, and suddenly remembered Thrawn’s words from earlier -  _ let’s get you warmed up _ . Well, he was succeeding in that regard.

Eli had to fight Thrawn just briefly so that he could soap up the Chiss as well, wanting to pay as much attention to the other as he was receiving. He spent perhaps a little too long on Thrawn’s abs, and the Chiss’ backside was a nice place to stray, too. 

When they were both clean, Thrawn turned off the shower but stopped Eli when he made to leave the stall.

“Water preservation,” was all Thrawn gave as an explanation, and he was probably right, if Eli had been capable of any thought whatsoever other than the hot (both in temperature and in sight) body close to him. Thrawn ran both his hands through Eli’s hair, shaking out some of the water that had gathered there, and then one of them started down his body again. His lips kissed Eli’s briefly, before tracing another trail down, and Eli barely noticed when Thrawn was once again kneeling before him, hands on Eli’s hips now.

Eli took in a deep breath. And then Thrawn started paying  _ proper _ attention to Eli’s cock.

He started with gentle kisses all over, kissing the entire length, kissing at the base, even kissing his balls. Eli had found a handle in the shower installation, and together with a hand on Thrawn’s shoulder, was holding on for dear life. 

One of Thrawn’s hands joined his lips, but they only assisted in the gentle tracings, until little by little, they picked up in intensity. When Thrawn’s lips wrapped around him, Eli was sure he had blacked out but fought to remain standing, and when he looked down at Thrawn, saw that smug grin  _ around his cock _ , and he almost blacked out again.

He had given up holding in the sounds he was making. Too much of his energy went to remaining standing, his knees truly jelly by now, and he was almost glad to let go of the little moans and sighs and groans that escaped him.

“Thrawn,” he sighed at one point, and the other responded by licking a line up the underside of Eli’s cock, tracing the sensitive vein that was apparently there. 

But it was too much. It felt wonderful, it had felt unlike anything he had ever experienced before - his own hands, even if they had only occasionally attempted to pleasure him, could barely do this any justice - but he didn’t want it to end like this. He pulled gently on Thrawn’s blue-black hair, only now noticing that one of his hands had slipped into it, and pulled the Chiss off his cock. 

He pulled further and made the other stand, and the Chiss looked at him worriedly.

“Eli?”

“Not like this,” was all Eli could say. Thrawn understood the message.

They quickly toweled each other dry, spending time despite their hurry to get back to the bed to kiss each other’s skin, and when Eli landed on the bed, he let out a sigh of relief.

Finally, he didn’t have to worry about his legs giving out anymore. And suddenly, all his previous urgency was lost. He felt the weight of his decisions push down on him, and he closed his eyes in shame and guilt.

He felt the bed dip beside him and was scooched up until his head lay on one of the pillows. Thrawn traced a tentative hand up Eli’s body but didn’t do more than that. He lay down beside the human and kissed his cheek, and waited for Eli to be ready to continue, leaving him in his thoughts.

He trusted Thrawn more than anything or anyone in his life. He knew if there was anyone to take this step with, Thrawn was his best bet. The Chiss would make sure he was well taken care of and that it would be pleasurable.

“What are you thinking about?” Thrawn asked eventually when they had been quiet for a while. Eli felt even more guilt spread through him when he opened his eyes, looked at Thrawn (the entirety of the man), and saw he was softening again. His own cock was not in a better state.

“I’m just… I’m scared.”

“I understand. What are you scared of?”

“I don’t know how to do this. I’m scared… it will hurt.”

With just the tip of his forefinger, Thrawn traced a trail down Eli’s forehead, the bridge and tip of his nose, his lips, until gliding down Eli’s chin and finally resting his full palm on Eli’s chest.

“Eli, my love… there are more ways of having sex than just penetration. We can just keep doing what we were doing before, and that’s sex, too. If you don’t want to have sex, we can stop. We will do whatever you feel comfortable with, and if we continue, we will go at your pace. Tell me, what is it you would like me to do most right now?”

Eli turned his head and looked at Thrawn. He was still trying to register what the other had said but knew his answer before he had well and truly stored the first part away for later use.

“I want you to kiss me.”

“I can do that.”

And they kissed, much like they had done before they had moved to the refresher, and Eli almost felt ashamed that they had pretty much returned to where they had started, but Thrawn didn’t give any indication that he disliked what he was doing. In fact, he was as soft and as enthusiastic as he had been throughout this whole ordeal.

Eli realized his sex views were perhaps a bit warped. He’d had sex education in high school, but because of his struggles with his own sexuality, and the fact that he was dating a girl to hide all that, he had probably not saved everything to his memory. His stupid mind had just formed this view on sex, and it had been rather straight-forward - sex is penetration. (And while yes, technically, Eli didn’t have to be the one being penetrated in the first place… the other way around didn’t feel any better.)

But, according to Thrawn, who always had the right answer at the ready and who was incredibly wise, sex  _ didn’t _ have to mean penetration. And he felt like a stupid virgin all over again. 

“I feel like an idiot,” Eli whispered eventually, his lips barely parted from Thrawn’s. The Chiss’ hands reached out and held onto him tightly, but not tight enough to suffocate Eli in any way.

“Why?”

“I feel like a stupid virgin.”

“What’s wrong with feeling like a virgin?”

Eli rolled his eyes and rested a hand on Thrawn’s chest. He felt a calm, soothing heartbeat beneath the firm muscles.

“I feel so… inexperienced, compared to you. You know exactly what you’re doing. I feel like I’m not doing anything for you.”

Thrawn shook his head and cupped one of his cheeks. Those eyes didn’t leave him once.

“You think I’m very experienced, but I’m not. I’m just attentive, Eli. I want this to be as good for you as it is for me. Just the mere fact that you trust me with your feelings and your fears like this makes me feel very cherished and loved. It means you  _ trust _ me, and that means the whole world to me, my sweet. But even with inexperience, it doesn’t mean that you can’t feel pleasure. That you don’t deserve to receive that. Eli, I would gladly do all of the work here if it meant that you felt amazing. That is all I want to do for you. Because I love you, and I’ll always cherish you, and take care of you.” He kissed a corner of Eli’s mouth. “If you just want to sleep together like this, that’s fine. If you want to kiss until we’re called back for duty, even better. If you want me to make you come, in whatever way you see fit, it would really, truly be my pleasure.”

They were both silent, and Eli was taking his time to truly take in these loving words until Thrawn raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. “Pun, evidently, intended.”

Eli couldn’t help but laugh at that, and he threw his head back, letting go of his nerves and fears and feeling the tears run down his cheeks, knowing they weren’t only sad tears, knowing that they were mostly laughing tears. When he recovered, he looked down again and saw Thrawn looking at him with a bright smile, those intense glowing eyes telling Eli exactly what kind of feelings were swimming beneath the surface.

“Force, I love you, Thrawn.”

“And I love you, Eli. So much more than words could possibly describe.”

Eli pulled him up and the ensuing hug was tender yet firm, leaving no doubt what their feelings for each other were, despite the words they had just uttered. Eli was the first to pull away slightly and kiss Thrawn again, and this time, he didn’t hold anything back. The kiss heated up quickly, as did the rest of his body, and when he rolled onto his back and pulled Thrawn on top of him, he felt blood rush back to his now soft cock.

Eli was pulling on Thrawn, not knowing what it was he wanted, hoping against hope that perhaps Thrawn would know. But of course, the Chiss had to be big on consent and pulled away to ask him what it was that he wanted Thrawn to do.

“Kriff… I… I need…”

“Do you want me to suck you off?”

_ Kriff. _ Compared to the soft, gentle words he had spoken before, this direct line of questioning caught Eli rather off-guard, and yet made him hotter at the same time. “Yes. Please.”

Thrawn nodded and kissed his way down Eli’s body, spending some time at his nipples and sucking them into attention, and by the time Thrawn was finished with that and kissed down Eli’s stomach, the human was more than semi-hard. Eli couldn’t help but look as Thrawn moved down his body, and the piercing red eyes never stopped looking up at him, either. 

That was, until Thrawn took Eli’s cock into his mouth carefully, and Eli no longer could see what the other was doing, as his eyes fell closed instinctively and his head rolled back. He was pretty sure he had breathed Thrawn’s name but was only hovering between consciousness and reality. 

Thrawn took his sweet time. He repeated the actions of the shower, moving his hand around Eli’s cock, slowly, up and down, up and down, his tongue teasing his slit, and his free hand holding onto Eli’s balls gingerly. 

Images of his former girlfriend flashed before his mind’s eye, his brain not adept enough to stop them. He remembered how she had sucked him off, and how she had genuinely tried to make it pleasurable for him, but there had been something holding him back that entire time. Even as he had laid on his back, and she had been riding him, his cock deep inside her - there had just been something  _ off _ . And that sex had been penetration, that should have counted as sex, and yet, it didn’t seem like that was proper sex.

He managed to open his eyes to mere slits, just enough to see Thrawn, and the Chiss seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself, making sure every inch of Eli was tended to, and he had more of his previous revelation return to him. He truly  _ loved _ this Chiss, trusted him with his life, with his heart, and would probably die for him, if it ever came to that. 

And that had been missing before. He had trusted Rose, and she had trusted him, but there had just been too much holding him back from trusting her explicitly, with every inch of himself, with his good parts and his bad parts - with his fears and his dreams. 

He took in a deep breath but it left him on a sob, and Thrawn looked up at him in alarm. Eli’s hand that had been resting in Thrawn’s hair pulled him up, and before the Chiss joined him, he let go of Eli with a loud  _ pop _ , almost sending Eli crashing over the edge.

“My love,” Thrawn whispered, brushing his tears off his cheeks, “what’s the matter?”

But Eli didn’t want them to return to talking. He wanted to finish this, he was so close, and Thrawn was so close to him, he wanted this to finally happen, to be real. He reached for Thrawn’s cock, fully erect now, and Eli briefly managed to wonder if sucking Eli off had truly been that pleasurable to the Chiss, and with a little difficulty managed to convey to Thrawn what it was he wanted.

He managed to wrap his hand around both cocks as they rubbed against each other, not managing to span them completely, and Thrawn came up onto his forearms, placed on either side of Eli, and thrust into Eli’s hand.

The friction was incredible. Eli felt that beautiful hard cock against his own, felt Thrawn leaning down and kissing his neck, and felt him reach another pressure point and sucking just hard enough for Eli to gasp out loud and almost let go.

Thrawn noticed him holding back, of course. Nothing escaped the Chiss.

“Let go, my love. I have you. I will always be with you.”

And he scrunched his eyes closed, threw his head back, and let go with a helpless cry, only barely able to keep his hold around both cocks as pleasure overtook his entire being. He couldn’t focus on much else for a while, he was simply  _ this _ feeling, hovering somewhere between consciousness and slumber - he felt relieved, felt love and hope and warmth spread throughout him. For a few moments, he simply  _ was _ . 

Slowly, he returned to reality, the sensation gradually fading away, and his surroundings returned to him all at once. Thrawn was laying beside him, out of breath but with audible chuckles mixed in. The Chiss’ lips were brushing against his shoulder, one of his hands intertwining with one of Eli’s. 

Eli looked to his side. He saw Thrawn. And wondered how it was at all possible for him to be this lucky, to be alive on this blessed day and have this amazing, kind, caring,  _ gorgeous _ man by his side.

And as his orgasm had truly faded away, exhaustion replaced bliss and he had no energy left to stop the tears from flowing, emotion washing over him as his orgasm had before. Thrawn gently gathered him in his arms and held him while he cried.

When he returned mostly to his senses, he realized he was still crying - and Thrawn’s arms were still anchored around him, holding him tightly, letting him know that he was not alone, that Thrawn was there. Thank the Force, the Chiss was still there. Eli didn’t know where he would be without Thrawn. 

“That was…” But there were no words to describe what that had been, what it had felt like. Eli only felt love and hope in his body, felt like finally, he knew what he was supposed to be, and where he belonged - or rather, with  _ whom _ he belonged. 

Thrawn smiled and leaned in, placing the briefest of kisses on Eli’s lips. Before long, the Chiss stood and lifted the human in his arms and they continued their earlier shower, except without the obvious need between them clouding their minds. Eli was satisfied down to the bone and happily fell asleep when Thrawn carried him to bed again. 


	3. Chapter 3

Eli felt like a switch had been flipped inside his head. For the longest time, he had shied away from any sexual relations, even with the very Chiss he loved and trusted so much. But Thrawn’s never-ending care for him had pulled him over the threshold, and now there was no stopping them- well,  _ him _ .

Thrawn had only grinned at him in amusement the first time Eli had pulled him off the bridge, under the guise of discussing something highly classified, and then pushing him into the nearest empty room that came with a lock and pushing him against the nearest vertical surface and already reaching for the Chiss’ fly. Eli realized he rather enjoyed having his own lips wrapped around that beautiful blue cock, if only to marvel at slowly unraveling his otherwise professional and by-the-books superior officer. 

He was well-aware, however, that there was still one threshold they hadn’t crossed, and because Eli hadn’t broached the subject, he knew, neither would Thrawn. That was just not how the lover in Thrawn worked. Both were sufficiently satisfied with what they had going on right now, right up until the moment where Eli wasn’t.

He wanted to go further. He was ready. He had used his next shore leave (which regrettably hadn’t been spent with Thrawn, simply because of conflicting schedules) to read into what it was he wanted and get the necessary items to get to that point.

This time, Eli had snuck into Thrawn’s quarters, as soon as he had returned on board the ship, and despite his clear desires for where he would want this night to end up, he couldn’t help himself from flinging himself into the other’s arms and just hugging him tightly for a bit. It had only been three days, but he felt he was somehow incapable of spending any longer stretch of time without the mere sight of Thrawn in his nearest vicinity. 

The Chiss was only too happy to oblige, his hands brushing what he could of the human, and they stood like that for a while, until Thrawn pulled back with an eyebrow raised and looking at the inconspicuous bag Eli had been holding and had honestly forgotten about. Eli instantly felt a blush spread across his cheeks, never having learned how to fight that down, and just shrugged in response.

“I think I have an inkling of what’s inside this bag.”

Eli didn’t keep up the secrecy and carefully dumped the contents onto the foot of the bed. It wasn’t much - some condoms, lube, even a small-ish buttplug - but he felt it was enough for Thrawn to put two and two together. After all, he had never needed much to draw conclusions.

“Eli?”

“Hmm?”

“Does this mean you’re ready?”

He shrugged again, suddenly self-conscious. He had been absolutely determined during his entire leave, and when he had stepped onto their ship, but now, he felt some of that determination leaving him. No. He knew what he wanted, or at least, what he wanted to try today.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I know. I want to try, at least.”

Thrawn nodded, and was silent for a bit longer to leave space for Eli to explain more, and perhaps gauge whether the human was speaking the truth, but finding no further objections, smiled and stepped close again.

“In that case, let’s get started.”

Eli felt nerves bubbling up inside of him but it all left when Thrawn linked their lips on a sweet and slow kiss and pulled him within his strong arms. All doubts momentarily vanished.

They took their time together, as they often did when they had that time for themselves. Eli was certain almost half an hour had passed before they were finally naked in bed and slowly stroking each other’s dicks. Eli couldn’t help himself from linking their lips, before pushing Thrawn onto his back and straddling his hips, not letting go of the other’s cock, making it clear what he wanted out of this encounter. The Chiss continued his kisses for a few moments before looking at him intently. Eli knew that look by now - whenever Thrawn threw this look Eli’s way, it usually meant he disagreed with him, but wouldn’t say it out loud. It was evident in his entire expression, however.

“What?”

Thrawn shook his head with a faint smile and rested both his hands on Eli’s hips. 

“I’m not just going to ‘stick it in’, as they say.”

Eli felt a little disappointed at this, he was too giddy and worked up to be thinking rationally, but he had done his research and knew what he could expect - he remembered his feelings the last time he had thought about taking this step, and it hadn’t been the nerves that were running through his system right now. He had been  _ scared _ and had said as much, and Thrawn had been nothing but understanding and compassionate. Eli shouldn’t be surprised that Thrawn wouldn’t take such advantage of him, despite his desires to take this further.

“Are you still sure, Eli?” Thrawn asked, one hand coming up Eli’s back and brushing his shoulder blades, sending shivers down his spine. “You know you don’t have to do this to please me?”

“Thrawn, I want to do this.” He heard the tremor in his voice, but wouldn’t let Thrawn talk him out of this anymore. The Chiss nodded and kissed him again, before using the hands that were splayed across Eli’s skin to reverse their positions.

Thrawn slowly kissed his way down Eli’s body, and this had become familiar while equally managing to still take his breath away. Thrawn’s soft lips took their time tracing Eli’s cock, his fingers caressing his balls, and he liked this, but at the same time was growing increasingly impatient. 

Eli still had the idea that he would change his mind if they took too long. Perhaps not the best mentality going into this, he realized in hindsight. 

Thrawn surprised Eli when he kissed his way down his cock, leaving some butterfly kisses on his balls, and then going lower still. Eli froze, only for a moment - they hadn’t done this before (which was sort of the point in the first place) and it was a feeling he wasn’t quite used to. Not a bad feeling in the slightest, however - when Thrawn gently licked at his entrance, his cock twitched almost embarrassingly with pleasure.

He was excited. Ready, a little scared, most of all excited. 

“Say the word and I’ll stop, Eli,” Thrawn whispered, barely audible above the sound of blood suddenly rushing through his head, instead of where it should probably go rushing to. Eli nodded, knowing the Chiss preferred knowing that he had full consent.

Thrawn took some more time peppering Eli’s bud with gentle kisses, occasionally licking a trail up to his balls and back down again. Eli had no idea how to feel, what to say, what to do, except for holding on rather firmly to Thrawn’s hair and the other hovering somewhere around him, out of his control for the moment. 

This felt amazing. And this was only the first step.

“Thrawn… please...”

The Chiss leaned up, kissing Eli’s lips briefly yet passionately, then reached for the tube of lube and opening it with just one hand. Eli watched with bated breath as Thrawn squirted some of the cold liquid where he had just spent a considerable time buttering Eli up, and the human felt his heart beating frantically in his chest.

“I will slowly open you up,” Thrawn whispered, pressing a kiss behind Eli’s ear. The human wasn’t sure if this was dirty talk or a simple explanation of what was going to happen next. He knew the words made him hot, however. “I don’t want to hurt you, Eli. If it’s too much, I want you to let me know.”

Eli had half a brain to nod, and at this response, Thrawn scooted down again to his previous position, the bottle of lube now within his reach. 

“When you want me to stop immediately, I want you to use your safeword. Do you have one?” Thrawn asked, in all seriousness, as he slowly spread some lube around - before inevitably realizing that he was pretty much the first person that Eli had ever been with, not even only sexually, and loosened up a little when he saw Eli just stare at him. “Think of one right now. First word to enter your head.”

“Cinnamon.” Did the Chiss really expect Eli to be thinking rationally at this point? Eli’s brain was somewhere else at that point, or at least, the blood that was supposed to keep it running properly surely was.

Thrawn’s eyebrows raised in amusement, and Eli blushed again before the Chiss worked hard to stifle a chuckle.

“Cinnamon?”

“I panicked, alright.”

“Alright. Cinnamon it is.” Thrawn kissed the inside of Eli’s thigh, brushing the other side with his hand. “I’ll be checking in on you, my sweet. Just answer with a color - green is good to go, yellow is a break and/or stop and ask, and red, or your safe word, is stop altogether. Do you understand?”

“Green.”

Thrawn smiled and lifted his hand briefly, pulling gently on one of Eli’s nipples (the Chiss had quickly learned how sensitive they were to the human, and how much he liked having his partner play with them), and focused on his previous goal. His soft hands spread Eli’s legs and lifted them slightly to open him up.

“Good.”

He kissed Eli’s cock again but didn’t beat too much around the bush - one of his fingers lined up with his entrance, just spreading the lube around, before dipping gingerly inside.

Oh. Kriff. Eli hadn’t known what he had expected this feeling to be, but it certainly wasn’t this. He admitted, it felt only a little odd at first; then that initial feeling passed, to be replaced by a short bout of pain; to be substituted completely by pleasure.

Eli couldn’t look at Thrawn, but this was only because his eyes were scrunched tightly shut, and his head was once again tilted upwards.

“Color?”

“Green.”

Thrawn kissed the underside of Eli’s cock, while his finger stayed inside, letting him get used to the feeling. Eli was at once faced with the reality of just how much he trusted Thrawn, and how the Chiss had never betrayed or abused that trust, not even before they had gotten together. Thrawn was the friend he had needed so desperately in a galaxy where he had been pretty much alone, separated from his family by more than his enlistment into the Imperial Navy; cast aside by most of his peers for whatever reason they had deemed reasonable. Thrawn had understood. Thrawn had been there for him, through it all; Thrawn had fallen in love with Eli as much as the human had with the Chiss; and today, Eli trusted Thrawn enough to pretty much lose his virginity to. Well, part of his virginity. Thrawn had made him realize there was more to sex than just this.

Thrawn took his sweet, sweet time, and for once, Eli was alright with it. He simply focused on the feelings the Chiss was giving him, how amazing those lips felt against and around his cock; how that gentle finger had eventually started moving, again sending pleasure up his spine, running freely around in his head, before going low again and making his cock swell like never before. 

Thrawn added a second finger, after applying generous amounts of lube to it, and Eli almost pulled away, the stretch too big for a moment. Thrawn halted his movements, still two fingers deep inside him.

“Color?”

“Ah… kriff…”

“Color, Eli.”

“Yellow.”

Thrawn took his fingers back instantly and the stretch got worse for a split-second before there was the disappointing feeling of relief. At once, he regretted using that color, but the realistic part of him knew that it had been too much for him at that moment, and continuing would have been a true mood-killer. 

The Chiss scooted up and lay eye-level next to Eli, looking at him with those kind eyes, his lips slightly swollen from their kisses and his continuous attention given to Eli’s cock. Eli was afraid that Thrawn would be disappointed, but instead, his hand simply ran through Eli’s hair and his lips leaned in for a brief kiss.

“Too much?”

Eli nodded. “A little.”

Thrawn pulled him close, turning him slightly onto his side, and now able to pull him flush against him. They laid like that for a while, and Eli was, as so often happened, overcome with love for the Chiss. The other could have been angry, disappointed at them stopping what they were doing - but instead, Thrawn just seemed to understand. He didn’t judge, didn’t press him to continue, and that was one of many things Eli loved so much about him.

There wasn’t anything holding him back anymore, except for perhaps pain. He pushed that thought aside - Thrawn would always make sure he was safe, and he trusted that this situation would be no different from any of the previous times. 

“Okay. Green.”

“Sure?”

Eli nodded and moved to turn onto his back again, but Thrawn’s firm hands stopped him. The hand that wasn’t keeping Eli on his side reached out for Eli’s top leg and encouraged that knee to bend, so Eli ended up placing that foot behind Thrawn’s hips.

Eli was confused for a moment as to what Thrawn’s intention could be, but then his free hand skirted lower and cupped Eli’s ass - Eli let out an audible gasp as he was pulled flush with his crotch against Thrawn’s, and clearly felt the other man’s arousal against his hard cock. It turned into a moan when Thrawn started lazily grinding his hips against Eli’s, while his hand on his ass massaged the muscles there.

One of Thrawn’s hands reached for Eli’s and put it there where Thrawn had just been practically kneading his ass before.

Eli wasn’t sure why until Thrawn slipped a finger to Eli’s entrance again and he instinctively pulled his butt cheek out of the way, before letting out a soft moan when the finger slipped inside. 

It was the same thing as before, yet with his proximity to Thrawn, or perhaps the different position, it still felt different. Better, somehow. Thrawn leaned in and sucked on the skin in Eli’s neck, just low enough to be able to hide underneath the collar of Eli’s tunic - yet hard enough to form a mark. Eli moaned again, unable to stop himself from making these noises. 

“Green. Green. Please.”

Thrawn hadn’t even said anything, and smiled against Eli’s skin, before slipping in a second finger and making Eli practically see stars. They moved slowly but firmly inside him, touching places so unfamiliar yet somehow so pleasurable. Eli lowered his face into the crook of Thrawn’s neck and couldn’t stop the moans that escaped him. Thrawn curled his fingers and brushed against his prostate-

Eli’s vision went black for a second. In fact, he was certain he had blacked out, if it weren’t for the fact that once he regained his senses, he was in the same position he had been in before, and Thrawn’s two fingers were still fingering him as they had before.

“Right there?” Thrawn asked, only a hint of his otherwise massive ego showing itself in his voice, and Eli rolled his eyes and smiled against the Chiss’ skin, leaning up to link their lips.

“Third.”

“Yes?”

Eli rocked his hips in response, sending Thrawn’s fingers even deeper. He heard Thrawn opening the bottle of lube, adding some more to Eli’s bud, and then slowly slipping in a third finger, moving it in tune to the movements of Eli’s hips.

“Thrawn! Oh, kriff… oh, I love you.”

The Chiss leaned up and linked their lips, his tongue seeking entrance like his fingers had not too long ago. The kiss quickly turned sloppy, and Eli didn’t mind in the slightest, hovering somewhere between pleasure and pain, ready for whatever the future had in store for them.

“I love you,” Thrawn breathed against Eli’s lips, and it was only now Eli noticed that Thrawn had slowly started to change their positions again until the human was on top.

“I love you,” Eli said again, just to drive the point home. There was little else he felt at that moment anyway. And despite some of his fears remaining, he felt he was now well and truly ready for the real thing - he looked around him for the pack of condoms he had thrown on the bed earlier.

Thrawn noticed, of course, and stopped his movements.

“Eli, let’s not rush it.”

“I’m ready, Thrawn.”

The Chiss didn’t offer any opposition, although Eli could see he was not yet reassured of the truth of that statement and pulled back his fingers so Eli could get a condom. He felt strangely empty without the fingers filling him, and briefly wondered what Thrawn’s cock would feel like - ignoring the rush of fear that coursed through him - and returned to Thrawn to open the wrapper and-

“Eli.”

He looked up at Thrawn, who had scooted up so he was leaning against the headboard. He was looking at Eli intently, yet not to scrutinize him, or judge him, but to gauge his intentions, his feelings. Eli paused and leaned back on his feet, kneeling before the man of his dreams with his cock aching and his entrance aching for more. 

“C’mere.”

Eli hesitated for a moment. Somehow, he knew what Thrawn was thinking, and what would happen if he slipped into the man’s arms again. But he was aware of his fears, and perhaps the urgency under which he tried to conceal it. So in the end, holding on tightly to the condom wrapper, he went over to Thrawn and straddled his lap, his arms wrapping around the other’s neck, while Thrawn’s hands landed on his hips.

“I’m green, Thrawn.”

Thrawn cocked an eyebrow with a slight smirk. “I know you are. That’s why I’m taking my time.”

It took Eli a few moments to realize what train of thought Thrawn had been on because it wasn’t the same as his, but it made him smile and blush at the same time when he realized what the Chiss had said. 

“Hey.” Thrawn ran a hand up Eli’s back and pulled him close so they could kiss briefly. “Hey, my love. You’re not doing this for me, remember? You don’t have to impress me; I already  _ am _ impressed by you, every single day. You will do me no pleasure by forcing me to rush through your boundaries. I can tell you’re scared. I don’t want you to be, but I can understand.”

“But I want this.”

“I know. So do I. But I want this to be pleasurable for you, too, and that won’t happen if you keep rushing forward. So… let me make this good for you, Eli, my love. Let me take care of you.”

These last words made Eli melt against Thrawn as his last fears were washed away, and love took over, and he didn’t know how he had managed to hold on to those fears in the first place - he knew Thrawn wouldn’t hurt him, not if he could help it, at least, and knew Thrawn always had the best intentions for Eli (and his rather fragile heart, because he had just that, contrary to popular belief.)

“I love you,” the Chiss whispered, again and again, as he brushed Eli’s back and ran a hand through his long brown locks, and Eli felt like the happiest, luckiest man alive, to be receiving this kind of love from a corner he had least expected it. Thrawn was his fantasies come to life, he was what his broken and beaten heart had needed, and he loved the Chiss more and more with every passing day.

Still, Eli pushed off the Chiss’ chest, just barely enough to finally slip the condom onto Thrawn’s cock, and the man simply smiled up at him with eyes full of love and hope.

Eli was feeling emboldened by his position above the other man, looking down at those radiant red eyes, so he reached between them and lined up Thrawn’s hard and thick cock with his entrance, but realized his mistake as soon as the head of it slipped inside him.

“Cinnamon!” he yelled out before he had time to think about it, and Thrawn instantly pulled out and pulled him close, soothing him almost, like he might a young child. Eli felt the pleasure inside of him and felt the sting where Thrawn’s cock had just been, and made up his mind - again. He felt he had changed his mind about forty-six times in the past hour. Much to Thrawn’s credit, he didn’t lose his patience once. “No, wait, keep going.”

“You used your safe word, Eli. The safe word means I stop.”

Eli nodded. “Wait, I…” He wrapped an arm around the other man tightly and reversed their positions. Suddenly, Thrawn was kneeling in between Eli’s spread legs, the human’s head resting comfortably against the pillows - he realized suddenly there was something inexplicably comforting about this position, about Thrawn towering over him, taking the lead and taking care of him. “Like this.”

Thrawn nodded his understanding and leaned down for a deep, passionate kiss while reaching out for the bottle beside them and lubing both of them up. When he deemed them sufficiently wet, he rested on his forearms on either side of Eli and lined up his cock.

Much of this position was the same as the first time they had been intimate together, Eli realized with a start. He found he quite liked the parallel. 

Then, his vision went black as Thrawn slipped in again, just barely, just the head, but it was enough to shut his brain down for a minute or two, everything black and unfocused except for that one feeling, that stretch, that painful yet wonderful stretch. It hurt, it really did, and he had expected it, but he hadn’t expected to feel so overwhelmed with love at the same time. Every little movement of Thrawn, be it his luscious lips against the tip of his nose, his fingers in Eli’s hair, or the careful, slow movement of his hips, showed Eli exactly how warm, loved, and  _ safe _ he was in the arms of this wonderful man.

“I love you,” Eli breathed, wrapping an arm tightly around Thrawn’s neck.

When his vision returned and he looked at the Chiss he loved so much, he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Of course, Thrawn immediately saw this as a warning sign and started to pull away, but Eli stopped him by wrapping both his legs tightly around the other’s waist.

“Don’t stop. Please. Just… gimme a moment.”

Thrawn nodded and leaned down, peppering all the skin he could reach with butterfly kisses - his nose, his eyelids, the frown between his brows, his cheek - and the tears just kept coming. 

How? How had Eli gotten so lucky to have met Thrawn? To have come to know his kindness, his friendship, his compassion, his love? How had Thrawn developed the same feelings for him? What had Eli Vanto done in his life to deserve this? He had never saved a cat from a tree, or helped an old lady cross the street; his karma points were zero, at best. 

But then he realized; he had been miserable for a  _ long _ time before they had met, and while he had been certain he would feel that way forever, nobody ever would. Things would get better, he had realized that eventually, and it had all started when he had met this beautiful man, and the rest was history.

“My love,” Thrawn whispered, and perhaps a lesser man would have gotten impatient staying still this way, but Thrawn wasn’t a lesser man, and his voice just sounded full of worry. 

“Keep going,” Eli whispered when he felt he was ready, angling his hips, and received a long, deep kiss in response as Thrawn slowly pulled his hips back before sliding in again. The friction was still there but it felt better somehow, as if his body was slowly getting used to this penetration and was coming to terms that he truly wanted this. When Thrawn pulled back and thrust back in a second time, a third time, a fourth time, buried to the hilt -  _ that  _ was when the head of Thrawn’s dick rubbed against Eli’s prostate, and the latter saw stars again. Eli had no idea what sounds he was making but he didn’t care anymore. He threw his head back, spread his legs wider, and held on for dear life to Thrawn’s strong arms.

The Chiss could read the human like a book, had been able to since the moment they had met, and now was certainly not an exception. He took one look at his lover, before smiling against the skin in the crook of his neck and hooking his arms underneath the other’s knees, opening him up fully for his thrusts, and rubbing against Eli’s prostate with every. Single.  _ Thrust _ . 

Eli didn’t seem in control of himself any longer, pleasure having fully taken over at that point, hearing himself moan and groan and swear as if from a distance, but definitely feeling every kiss Thrawn planted on any part of his face. He seemed to be hovering somewhere he couldn’t identify, and mentally applauded Thrawn for always being able to get him to that point, with barely any effort, and wondered where he would be if the Chiss really tried. 

He found out soon enough. Thrawn picked up his pace, making Eli (and his dick) bounce all over the place. He even reached down and wrapped a hand tightly around Eli’s cock - and Eli came right then and there. He wanted to say that he simply couldn’t hold back the orgasm anymore, but he knew it was more like he was so startled by Thrawn’s move that he didn’t know what was happening until he was seeing stars and cumming all over Thrawn’s hand and naming deities he hadn’t believed in since he was a child. He could hardly see Thrawn anymore but almost  _ felt _ his beating heart beating in time with his own, heard the Chiss grunting and panting above him. Felt his own hands reaching out and holding on firmly to the other’s backside and pushing him even closer.

“Thrawn… love...”

Eli was fully back to reality when Thrawn gave in to his orgasm, and the human absolutely loved this sight, loved seeing those lips parted on a silent ‘oh’, loved seeing those red eyes roll back, and loved especially how the Chiss held on to Eli a little tighter, almost as if he didn’t realize he was doing it but couldn’t stop his instincts. 

Eli had practically melted at one point, his release leaving him bone-tired, and the kisses Thrawn gave him not helping much to restore him to his normal, solid self. He wrapped his arms around Thrawn’s neck, legs lowered but only enough so he could wrap them around the Chiss’ waist, and let out a deep breath when the other man slowly lowered himself onto Eli, before turning them both onto their sides.

Kriff. Eli felt himself melting even further inside Thrawn’s arms, brushing what skin he could and kissing him an endless amount of times. He was so in love with this man right here. Every passing day just confirmed that feeling.

Thrawn, however, almost appeared to feel differently. After a few moments of cuddling and kissing, he got rid of the condom and slipped into the refresher. Eli knew he had to think rationally, and not let his orgasm-scattered brain get ahead of him, but he couldn’t help it - what if Thrawn hadn’t liked what they had done? What if he regretted it? Eli couldn’t imagine that he did, but then he had often found it hard to look inside the Chiss’ head and get a feeling of what was going on in there. He wouldn’t blame Thrawn if he was disappointed - Eli had been too far gone in his pleasure to focus on much else.

But then he saw Thrawn reappear, still deliciously naked as before, already cleaned up, holding what appeared to be a towel, and a glass of water in the other hand. Before Eli could protest, Thrawn was already cleaning up Eli - and relighting some of the fire that had existed between them for the past hour. Thrawn wouldn’t let it get to that, however. When he was finished, he handed Eli the water and climbed back into bed himself.

Eli took a sip of water, then gratefully accepted the open arms of his lover, slipping inside and letting out a sigh of relief. He only seemed to notice now how tired he was, and as the adrenaline was slowly wearing off, he finally realized what they had done - he was already slightly sore.

“How do you feel, my love?” Thrawn asked eventually, breaking the comfortable silence that had been between them. He kissed the tip of Eli’s nose again, and the human smiled and closed his eyes.

He fell asleep eventually, with Thrawn’s arms tightly around him and the Chiss’ lips peppering his skin with butterfly kisses. He didn’t notice how Thrawn watched over his lover all night, emotional and grateful that Eli had trusted him like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Next chapter we will dive into more drama!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the penultimate chapter of this story, hope you enjoyed it so far!  
> Also, I know Thrass is dead, but let's pretend that he's alive for this story, alright. (And let's ignore the fact that I had been reading so much fanfiction that I completely forgot that he was dead and not canon until I read Ascendancy and can you imagine my shock when I was reminded of Outbound Flight holy shit.)

It became increasingly easier over time, and Eli had known it would. It also became increasingly more pleasurable, and that was something that did surprise him. It had already blown his mind the first time, how was it possible that it got even better the more they made love?

It didn’t take long until they were caught, of course. Had it been Eli at first who would pull Thrawn off the bridge for a few minutes to have his way with Thrawn, after their first time, it was Thrawn who noticed something was unleashed inside him. 

He was leaning with his arms on a stack of boxes, pants somewhere around his knees, cock aching and head swimming with pleasure. Thrawn’s fingers had left bruises on his skin this time with how tightly he was holding onto Eli’s hips. Eli had been close to the edge from the moment Thrawn had grabbed hold of his tunic and pulled him into this supply closet, and the quick, hard movements of Thrawn’s hips as he pounded Eli from behind weren’t exactly diffusing that tension, either. Eli was about to reach for his cock when Thrawn beat him to it, leaning down to kiss the skin in his neck, too.

“I love-“

The door flew open and Eli needed too much time to realize what was happening, his brain foggy with his approaching orgasm. There was a lot of shouting, Thrawn in the mix, too, and all Eli could do was pull his pants back up and try to clear his mind enough to notice what was truly going on. 

Thrawn reached for his hand and pulled, running ahead of Eli and dragging him along for the ride. Eli’s head was clearing up quickly, and he now noticed that they were clearly running away from something, or someone, only he didn’t know yet what. Thrawn looked over his shoulder at him at intervals, to make sure he was alright before he pushed him into an escape pod.

“I love you, Eli Vanto,” Thrawn said, pulling him close briefly to link their lips. “I will come for you. I’m sorry.”

“Wait… what? What’s going on, Thrawn?”

But the Chiss didn’t give him an answer. Instead, he pressed the control pad beside the pod and the doors closed. Eli found himself banging on them in anger, confusion, mostly anger, what was happening and why was Thrawn doing this? One moment, he had been riding a high, or at least something close to it, Thrawn’s gorgeous cock deep inside of him - the next, he was in an escape pod by himself, having no idea why he had been sent away and where he was going.

The pod definitely had a destination, seeing as he wasn’t simply drifting in space. He looked around and saw there were zero supplies, no food or water, so he would be doomed if this sudden trip took long. 

He sighed deeply and closed his pants properly, noticing with shame (and a little bit of anger) that he was still a little hard. With that thought and the memory of what he and Thrawn had been doing, he sat down, crossed his arms, and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would distract him from his current situation.

Of course he was wrong. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. Not only was it difficult for him to fall asleep, when he finally did, of course his dreams were filled with Thrawn, and an extended recap of what had just happened. 

What  _ had _ happened? He still didn’t quite know. Had Thrawn banished him without much consideration? No, Eli had to keep faith, Thrawn loved him. So why had he sent him away then? They had been caught, yes, but that didn’t have to be a reason to ditch him, right? Except, Eli wasn't sure he knew  _ who _ had caught them, and he supposed he could see how, if it was the wrong person, their lives could be in jeopardy. 

He knew Thrawn cared about him. A lot. He had to have faith that he would do what was right for them, for him. 

"Unidentified spacecraft, state your name and business." It took him a while to realize it was Cheunh, and by that time, the voice had repeated the same message a couple of times already. 

It startled Eli out of his thoughts. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, if he was expected to make up a story, but then he didn't know what kind of story. So in the end, he just settled for the truth.

"I'm Eli Vanto."

There was a long silence on the other side, making Eli wonder whether the other party was still there. Then, an answer in heavily accented Basic.

"Eli'van'to. We were told to expect you."

To expect him? What? What had Thrawn done? Where was he? And where was Eli? Judging by the Cheunh, he was in Chiss territory, but at that point, he had no clue whether that was good for him or not. He liked to believe so - he liked to believe that Thrawn’s people were a safe place for him, but Eli’s 'people' weren't a safe haven for Thrawn, either.

A shuttle arrived shortly after, and Eli was nervous as these unfamiliar people boarded his pod. There was one Chiss that looked a little familiar, but Eli found that to be impossible. He only knew one Chiss, to his knowledge, and…

Wait… he suddenly realized what it was that looked so familiar about him.

"Eli'van'to, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Mitth'ras'safis, core name Thrass. I am the brother of-"

"Thrawn." Kriff, this was Thrawn's family. He hadn't thought he would ever get to this point, didn't see the need.

"Correct."

"The pleasure is all mine." 

"How are you, Eli?"

Eli looked at Thrass and then searched his feelings so he could respond. He had to swallow, then take in a deep breath, to prevent himself from crying. Why was he crying?

"To be honest, I have been better."

Thrass nodded in understanding. He resembled his brother a lot, not just in the physical sense, but they had similar mannerisms, too. Perhaps the short sentences, straight to the point, without conveying any emotion, was a Chiss thing, but Eli didn't have a lot of other experiences with them to draw connections.

He was tired, however. Really tired, and confused, and the similarities between the Chiss standing in front of him now, and the Chiss who had forced him into an escape pod Force knew how long ago, it made his heart ache, his stomach cramp up, kriff he missed Thrawn and he was incredibly worried about him.

His tiredness won eventually. When his head hit a soft pillow, he lost the fight against his tears and wept for seemingly hours, until he eventually fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. 

~...~

He was with the Chiss for about a week before he lost his mind.

They wouldn't tell him anything about Thrawn, not his current position nor whether he was alright. Eli's mind immediately concocted the most nightmarish scenarios he could think of, not improving his general well-being. 

He tried to keep busy, accepted Thrass's offer of temporary employment as a translator in Basic for the Mitth house - not that they needed any, their Basic was at the appropriate level to make themselves understood, so mostly Eli just sat in a corner in silence and translated the odd word or two that they were unable to translate. 

How had his life changed so drastically? What had he done to deserve this? He had had a good career with the Imperial Navy and yes, their actions had started to eat at his conscience a little as of late, but it was still his duty and about the only thing he had in life.

He felt his will to live fade little by little, even if he knew it sounded awfully dramatic, even to his own ears. He was uncertain what to do, uncertain whether he wanted a life on this familiar planet by himself without his honorable job with the Imperial Navy? Not that he'd put much meaning on it in the first place, but it was the only thing he had left.

Thrass kept a watchful eye on him, Eli knew that. He felt like a child, and much like a child, he firmly disliked people telling him what he should or shouldn't do.

"You have to eat more," Thrass had said on day two, when Eli was still keeping track of how long he had been there. "This cannot be healthy."

Eli was sure it wasn't, but he simply couldn't find the appetite nor the willpower to keep anything down.

More things weren’t healthy, Eli realized after a few days. Like the fact that Thrass definitely knew how Thrawn was doing but refused to say anything on the subject. He had tried to do some of his own research but only encountered more questions. So he settled back into his temporary life, which he felt was quickly turning into something more permanent.

"Why won't you tell me how he's doing?" Eli asked eventually, in Cheunh, when Thrass was once more pretending everything was alright. The older Chiss looked at him with a raised brow but eventually settled back into the more neutral Syndic way of talking. "I don't need to know where he is. I just want to know if he's okay."

"It will not improve your state of mind, Eli'van'to."

"I suppose not, but I would still prefer to know."

It looked for a second like Thrass would agree and cave, but then the moment passed.

"Return to your duties, Eli'van'to."

That's when Eli started to fully turn away from the Chiss, and float into his own little (depressing) bubble.

~...~

Eli had, on multiple, separate occasions, attempted to escape in the very escape pod that he had arrived in. He had to admit that he had no way of knowing whether the pod would even be serviceable, if it was capable of bringing him back to the Empire - and he wondered if he wanted that in the first place, but this was not the kind of life he wanted to live.

He started the pod, aware it was probably noticed by the Ascendancy and looked at the few controls on the dashboard. He knew the coordinates of the Chimaera when he had been sent off, but considering it had been many days since he had last been there he was certain that he wouldn't find the ISD there anymore. He was about to give up when he saw there had been communication between the pod and another party since he had arrived on Csilla, and he knew it hadn't been him. He frowned, but pressed the replay button - all Imperial communication was saved, be it behind a personal code, because the higher-ups loved to use these kinds of transmissions for their own benefit in the future. (He knew many young Ensigns and even some Lieutenants had been fired or worse because of what was said in this way.)

_ "-brought us into this mess." _

The voice sounded familiar, albeit a little malformed because of the poor quality of the technology. It was definitely Thrass, and he sounded pissed. Eli hadn’t heard him in that way before.

_ “I did not intend to do so.” _

Eli got quite a start when he heard the second voice, but had some trouble identifying what emotions were going through him as he registered everything. The main feeling, however, he knew to be  _ relief _ .

Thrawn sounded annoyed, however, which was a first.

_ “I just want to know how he is doing.” _

_ “He is managing.” _

_ “Will you let me speak to him?” _

_ “I do not think that to be wise, brother.” _

There was a silence, and Eli could almost hear the thoughts going through Thrawn’s head. Eli realized that it hadn’t been because of Thrawn’s choosing that they were still separated and that Eli was stuck on this planet that he hardly knew, pretty much against his wishes. Thrawn must be looking for a way for them to be together, had to be. 

That thought warmed Eli’s heart, even if just a little bit. Enough, surely, to get him through the upcoming lonely night. 

_ “I am trying everything in my might to get home, but it is not made easy for me. Nothing ever is. I just… will you…” _   
That was odd. Thrawn was rarely speechless like this - not only that, his voice sounded full of emotion, and Eli wondered what had made him feel this way, and what he meant when he said that nothing was ever made easy for him. (If anything, his rapid and steady rise through the ranks of the Imperial Navy was strong evidence that he had it easy in life, but suddenly, Eli realized that that must be the complete opposite. He didn’t know Thrawn as well as he had expected, perhaps.)

_ “You love him, don’t you?” _

A pause. A long, almost agonizing pause. Eli had seen that Thrass cared, about his brother and therefore, in extension, about Eli, but he had attempted to not get involved in this relationship that he must suspect he had no business meddling in. But Eli hadn’t been exactly secretive about his feelings for the younger Chiss, and Thrass was far from stupid. 

_ “With all my heart. He is the best thing that ever happened to me.” _

Eli closed his eyes, as his emotions suddenly got the better of him. When he lowered his head, he could feel tears slipping past his shut eyelids, rolling down his cheeks and collecting on his chin. 

He knew Thrawn loved him, they had told each other many times before over the past few weeks. But none of those times seemed quite as meaningful as hearing the words like this, when Thrawn couldn’t have known that Eli would even ever hear them, but still said them, because he believed in his love and stood by it. 

_ “Well… stay safe, brother. I will take care of the human in the meantime.” _

Kriff. Eli missed him so much. He was so incredibly worried about him, and nobody would tell him anything, but he would keep going, for this. He had to see Thrawn again, in one way or another, he had to be with him. 

He slipped into bed later that night, his eyes dry and his throat sore from all the tears he had cried, but his heart somehow full of hope and love. He turned onto his side, closed his eyes, and remembered what Thrawn had said. That night, unsurprisingly, he slept soundly. 

_ He is the best thing that ever happened to me. _

~...~

More days passed, and they turned into weeks, and Eli’s worry hadn’t left one bit. However, he had faith now that Thrawn would fight for this, for himself and them, and that they would see each other again. Eli dedicated more of his time and effort to the task that he had been given, recognizing it was one of the only things that might distract him from doing anything stupid that would jeopardize Thrawn’s return.

He couldn’t stop himself from slipping into the escape pod every day when his work was finished. Just to hear Thrawn’s voice. He didn’t even care who found out at this point.

Thrass had noticed the change of behavior in Eli but didn’t question it, which was perhaps for the better. If the Chiss knew that a possibly damning bit of conversation was still available on the coms of the Imperial escape pod, he might delete it altogether, and Eli knew he would be angry at him, too, for not telling him. 

“I’m glad Thrawn met you, Eli’van’to,” Thrass said one day, completely serious, as the two of them were having lunch at a fancy place close to Thrass’s office. Eli had been about to start his sandwich with questionable fillings that he couldn’t quite identify when he looked up at the other man.

“Uh…”

“He’s had some problematic partners in the past.” Thrass paused and looked at his own food. He took a sip of the wine, then continued. “I don’t mean to talk down on them, don’t get me wrong. They were… nice. But none were the one for him.”

Eli didn’t know what to do with this information. He knew little to nothing of Thrawn’s past, let alone any of his exes. Eli knew that if he’d had exes of his own, Thrawn would probably not have known about them, either. They both preferred to focus on each other and not on their pasts. 

Still, he would have liked to have heard this from Thrawn himself, and not his brother. 

“It has come to my attention that you have gotten hold of some communication between my brother and I. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. I admit I was sort of hoping you would hear what he had told me. I’m certain he has told you himself before, but… well, I have never heard my brother in such a state, and he had a penchant for the dramatic when we were kids. I… I meant to tell you, Eli, what he told me, but I didn’t think it was within my rights to do so. Force knows as a politician, it is rather in my job description to meddle in other people’s affairs, but I have no such desires in this situation. Thrawn loves you… how could he not? You’re good-looking, kind, compassionate, and intelligent. Perhaps Chiss society would prefer you to be a Chiss, too, but I was never one for such stifling boxes.” Thrass seemed to notice that he was probably getting off-topic, and took a few moments to gather his thoughts again. Eli, by that time, had settled for watching his dubious sandwich in part contemplation, part politeness, but mostly embarrassment. 

“Eli, what I’m trying to say is, should my brother return, and I have no reason to believe that he cannot find his way out of his situation, I give you my full blessing for your union.”

Wait… what?  _ Union _ ? Eli looked up at Thrass in shock and confusion, his lunch and any other previous thoughts completely forgotten. What did Thrass mean when he said  _ union _ ? Eli didn’t know enough about Chiss culture to know what that entailed, but he knew enough about his own culture to make hasty assumptions.

He also realized it might be the language barrier - Thrass had realized Eli’s Cheunh was not what it could be, so they had switched to Sy Bisti, finding that was a comfortable middle ground to settle on. Was there another translation for the word  _ union _ ? 

Thrass frowned at Eli, which made Eli more confident of the fact that he had probably mistranslated what Thrass had told him. Stupid, stupid Eli. 

“I thought you had heard the recording?”

“What do you mean?”

Thrass stared at him for a few moments, but then understanding seemed to pass over him.

“I see. You must not have heard the entire recording. Eli, Thrawn intends on asking you to be his mate when he returns. He asked me for my blessing.”

Eli let out the breath he had unwittingly been holding and simply stared at the Chiss sitting across the table from him. Now he was certain he was mistranslating the words, because there was no way that Thrass had just said that, right? 

“He has been through worse things in the past, believe me. I have every reason to believe that Thrawn will find his way here eventually.”

Eli lowered his eyes back to his suspicious sandwich, having somehow lost all appetite for anything at all, and allowed the words to settle into his head and heart. Thrawn would be okay? This would all be over? He had trouble believing it.

Just when he was about to say something more, however, Thrass’s questis beeped and the man instantly responded, picking up the device and reading what message he had been sent. Eli dared to look at him, somehow feeling in his heart that it was about Thrawn - he hadn’t seen Thrass respond to any of his messages this fast before. 

“Is it-”

“Come with me, Eli.”

Eli was not sad in the slightest to leave his fishy sandwich behind.

~...~

Much after that passed by Eli in a blur of worry, panic, hope, and more worry.

An unknown fighter had been spotted on the outskirts of the Ascendancy, and the pilot hadn’t responded to any of the calls from the Chiss Traffic Control asking for his call sign and business. They had dispatched two fighters to intercept the foreign spacecraft before it could wreak possible havoc on the Chiss, but then one of the pilots had recognized who was flying it and had alerted all of the emergency forces that could be called into force at that time. 

The reason the pilot hadn’t responded was that he was unconscious. 

The pilot, of course, was Mitth’raw’nuruodo. 

Thrass’s firm hand had been on Eli’s upper arm the moment the fighter had been brought into the spaceport. The human knew the Chiss had been saying something to him, but he couldn’t hear him over the blood rushing through his ears as adrenaline flooded his entire system. He was certain his heart was beating inhumanly fast but saw no way of lowering it any time soon.

The Chiss working in the hangar opened the cockpit, and the med team soon followed and carried the unconscious man out. They ran quick tests to see what they were dealing with, but it felt like it was ages before they looked towards the Syndic who had pushed them into action and gave them a thumbs up.

“Thumbs? Thumbs, what does that mean? Thrass? Is he okay? Do thumbs mean the same here-”

“Eli’van’to,” Thrass said, his voice calm and collected, the way Eli had gotten to know it to be, like the true politician that he was. “He will be alright.”

Eli was completely not in control of his response after that, sure tears were once again gathering on his chin. When Thrass guided him to a room close by, and Eli opened the door ahead of himself, he noticed his hands were shaking. 

Thrass sat with him, occasionally making phone calls that Eli didn’t bother translating from Cheunh, despite realizing he might be discussing something important about Thrawn’s state. He had to be confident that Thrass would share any news with Eli - they had an understanding now. 

It seemed like days later when Eli received the final word and was allowed into the room where they had been treating Thrawn. By that time, he was just a shivering, emotional mess. 

Thrawn lay in a spacious bed, hooked up to several tubes Eli recognized from when his grandmother had been in the hospital when he had been younger. He might not know a lot about Chiss culture, but he sure knew hospitals. Then he remembered with a start why his grandmother had been in the hospital in the first place and quickly moved away from the memory of her dying in a bed similar to the one Thrawn was currently in.

The man was awake, sitting up at about a 45-degree angle, staring ahead of him, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Eli was bolted to the floor for a while, looking at the sight on the other side of the room, until Thrawn appeared to have noticed his presence.

“Eli,” he breathed, and a massive smile spread on the Chiss’s lips. Yes, he had smiled brightly before, like when Eli had made the first move and had kissed him for the first time; or when Eli had told him a stupid joke that somehow had entertained Thrawn greatly; or when they had made love for the first time, trusting each other with their hearts and bodies unlike they ever had before with anyone else - but this smile, this must be the brightest Eli had ever seen anyone smile, not just Thrawn, but anyone in all of his life in this galaxy. 

And then, like a magnet was pulling on him, Eli rushed to the bed and the man he loved so much.

“Oh,” was all Eli could say, as he stood beside the bed and looked at Thrawn. They looked at each other for a few moments, their smiles steadily increasing, until Eli once more lost the battle against his tears and fell into the chair close to him. “Oh, Thrawn… I was… so… worried.”

“My love,” Thrawn whispered, and Eli’s heart practically burst out of his chest when he saw the outreached blue hand and had responded to it before he could fully register what had happened. Thrawn held onto his hand tightly and pulled him close, until Eli could only climb into the bed, too, and slipped into Thrawn’s arms. And Thrawn held Eli while he cried, they cried, Eli realized only later that the Chiss was crying, too. No intelligible words were spoken for quite some time, and that was alright with Eli, as long as he could feel the strong, very real body of his love against him. 

“Eli, my love,” Thrawn whispered as he regained most of his composure first. He was running a hand through Eli’s hair, and the human felt all of his worries and fears of the past few weeks slide off his shoulders. Why shouldn’t it, when he was at long last reunited with Thrawn and they were both alright? “Eli, I’m so sorry. I never should have done what I did.”

Eli frowned and looked up from his position against Thrawn’s shoulder. “What?”

“I recognized we were in danger of being caught. I knew the problems that would ensue in that case. However, I did nothing to limit that risk, and for that, I’m sorry, Eli.”

“No. No, you don’t have to apol-”

Thrawn silenced him effectively, then ran a hand through his hair again. 

“When we first talked about being intimate, I told you that you meant too much to me to be lost to nameless pleasure, but in the end, that is exactly what caused us to be in this situation in the first place. I recognized how much you appreciated your position with the Navy, but also realized that in the likely scenario where we would be found out, you would lose everything. In the worst scenario, we would probably be court-martialed, and I did not want to imagine what punishment they would put on you. I acted out of instinct, and perhaps there was a better solution, but at that moment, I found the best course of action was to send you far away, so you would be spared a formal trial. I thought that if I stayed behind, I could find a way for you to come back.”

The Chiss was silent then, and the complete opposite of the happy, relieved Thrawn that he had been before he had started his explanation. Eli had had suspicions that this was what had motivated Thrawn to act the way he did, to send Eli away by himself without much explanation, but to hear it out loud confirmed them, and confirmed furthermore that Thrawn did care.

“What… what about you?”

Thrawn looked down at him, and Eli saw the pain in those glowing red eyes. 

“I’m just glad to be here, with you, my love.”

Eli’s heart constricted painfully and he inched even closer to the Chiss than he had been before. He didn’t want to imagine what it was that Thrawn could have been through in these weeks that they had been separated, but he had an inkling of what they might have put upon Eli should he have been court-martialed, and he had no doubt that any Imperials responsible of his trial would love to put Thrawn through a similar fate. 

Eli was certain if he had been put through a trial, they would have persecuted him for homosexuality and xenophilia, two of the worst offenses that the Imperial Navy could probably come up with, aside from treason or desertion. Now that Eli thought of it, they probably considered his ‘crimes’ acts of treason, too.

He knew very well what punishment they gave to traitors. 

Eli thanked their lucky stars that they hadn’t succeeded with putting all that upon Thrawn.

“I have lived with the memory of our separation all this time,” Thrawn whispered, changing the subject slightly. “I have hated myself endlessly for putting you in that situation, Eli. Can you forgive me?”

Eli looked at Thrawn for a while, gauging whether the Chiss was serious, but finding no evidence to the contrary, put a hand against the other man’s cheek. 

“You’re apologizing for saving my life?”

“No, the other thing.”

“Oh, you mean, giving me more pleasure than I ever thought possible?”

Eli saw a blush on Thrawn’s cheeks, and giggled briefly, before sitting up slightly so he was on the same level as Thrawn.

“I will be honest with you: I felt ashamed of what had happened, too, in the beginning. I mean, they literally caught us with our pants down. That…” Eli shook his head. “We were bound to be caught eventually, there was no way about it. I could not have hidden my feelings for you for much longer, I love and admire you too much for that. And honestly, if this is what it took for us to finally be together…” He shrugged. “So be it. I’m proud of it, even. We gave them a show, and they didn’t break us, and we’re together now.”

They looked at each other, and Thrawn’s piercing red eyes seemed to attempt to peer into Eli’s very soul. Eli wasn’t afraid, however, and simply stared back. 

“I love you so much, Eli,” was all Thrawn could say eventually, and he pulled Eli closer with a hand in his neck and linked their lips in a brief, gentle but life-confirming kiss. 

Eli spent most of Thrawn’s recovery right there in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of posting this chapter in separate parts but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it, I didn't want to leave you in more suspense. Also, fun fact: I wrote most of this chapter while either bored out of my brain at work (I work in aviation soooo) (also can you imagine how paranoid I was having my iPad open WHILE WORKING with 20k+ words of PURE SMUT and I have no idea why I did it but boredom really does something to a person y'know) or with my fingers freaking freezing off my hands because my landlord had initiated the installation of a new boiler in my apartment - why do they do that in the middle of winter, I wonder? I know it doesn't add anything to the story, I just felt like sharing this with you.   
> If you got this far, thank you, and hopefully I will see you tomorrow when I post the last chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this is the end of this story! It's been a wild ride, I started writing this story early December last year, and I've been adding on until this was the result, lol. Thanks for reading so far!

Eli eventually learned what the extent of Thrawn’s injuries was, and he could draw up a pretty clear picture of what had happened to him to have sustained such injuries - it did little to improve the picture he had of the Empire by now, and he was rather glad of their departure from its clutches, no matter how angry he had been about the fact at first. 

Thrawn had a few broken ribs, his right wrist was fractured too, and his head had received quite a beating if Eli could believe the medics that tended to him. Whenever the human tried to bring it up, discuss what had happened and who had inflicted this violence upon him, the Chiss always brushed it off and claimed it ‘was nothing’. Eli knew that to be a lie, but he also knew that he didn’t want to force Thrawn to relive the possibly painful memories all over again. 

In fact, one time when Eli had tried to get a better understanding of the hatred he had been subjected to, Thrawn had simply pulled him closer with his uninjured hand and had linked their lips, holding him there with a hand in the back of Eli’s neck, and who was Eli to complain when this was exactly what he wanted, too? 

“Please be with me,” Thrawn whispered, his voice taking on a tone Eli hadn’t heard from him yet, and it made him frown. It sounded… like he was needy. Like he was begging. But that wasn’t Thrawn at all, Eli hadn’t known him to be like that, and he didn’t quite know what to do with the information now, as it was presented to him.

Mitth’raw’nuruodo always knew exactly what he wanted, and he always knew what he needed to do to get it.

“Be with you?” Eli asked, incredulously, but his voice as low and soft as Thrawn’s had been. “Thrawn, you’re injured. You need to rest.”

Thrawn shook his head. Their eyes met, and Eli saw the same kind of pain that he had before, and Eli could guess what the feeling related to. He felt an incessant need to know what Thrawn had had to deal with during their separation, but the need was greater to make sure his love was doing fine and was feeling well, so he let the issue slide.

“I want to know that this is real… that you’re alive,” Thrawn whispered, tracing Eli’s cheek with such a softness that had often before nearly brought the human to tears, unable to explain yet how it was that he had not only met this amazing man, but had had the honor of falling in love with him, and have his feelings be reciprocated. He loved everything about Thrawn, especially the softness the Chiss reserved mainly for him.

“Alright. Okay.”

Eli kissed Thrawn deeply, running his hand through Thrawn’s hair and tugging, softly enough not to hurt him, but firmly enough to make the other moan against his lips. They remained like that for a while, taking pleasure out of the kiss, although it was obvious that Thrawn was searching for more and Eli was holding himself back.

Eli was the one to pull away, and his heart fluttered briefly when he noticed Thrawn was following him to keep the kiss going. For good measure, the human kissed a corner of the Chiss’s lips, but eventually pulled away until he was standing next to the bed. Luckily, Thrawn had been released from the medbay a day or two before and placed into more comfortable quarters, granting them with an even more spacious bed and the comfort of some privacy - although he did walk toward the door and locked it, just in case. Couldn’t have Thrass barge in, completely unashamed and unaware of anything.

Eli turned back towards the bed and saw Thrawn look at him, his hands itching by his sides like all the other man wanted to do was touch Eli, and it made Eli’s heart jump a little again. He smiled slyly, or at least, in a way he hoped would be quite sly, and took a few small, slow steps towards the bed.

“You like what you see?” Eli asked, in a totally uncharacteristic way, completely emboldened by the look of love and desire on Thrawn’s face. It had usually been Eli who was left pining for the other man, and except for some quickies or trysts, Thrawn usually showcased incredible control. Eli enjoyed the fact that the tables might be turned for once.

Thrawn simply nodded, lips pressed firmly against each other as if he didn’t quite trust what words would come out of his mouth when he opened them. Eli leaned down and put a hand on one of Thrawn’s feet, covered by the thin blanket he slept under, and there was no mistaking the small whimper Thrawn let out. Eli didn’t stop his smile from spreading at the sound. 

Eli moved around the bed and leaned down to link their lips, and he heard the faint rustling of the sling Thrawn’s injured arm was placed in before the Chiss pulled away from their kiss without any obvious hint of pain on his face. Eli knew him better than that, however. Thrawn had no doubt tried to pull in Eli with his right hand, forgetting that the wrist was fractured and that the movement would hurt him.

“Does it hurt?” Eli asked him, covering the cast gently while looking at Thrawn.

“A little.”

Eli sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed Thrawn gently, tenderly, before he moved down and proceeded to kiss the skin in Thrawn’s neck, eliciting a beautiful moan from the other man. 

“We’ll take it slow, dear,” Eli whispered and punctuated the term of endearment with a gentle sucking of the skin closest to him. He knew it might create a hickey, but he didn’t care much. “And let  _ me  _ take care of  _ you _ , for once.”

Thrawn smiled and pulled Eli up with his left hand, and they kissed again - this time, the kiss was anything but sweet and tender, and soon, Eli had to pull away not to spontaneously combust. He saw Thrawn was attempting to take off his shirt but he was right-handed, and his left hand was therefore severely lacking in the right motor skills to pull the shirt over his head. Not only that, the sling was limiting him in his movements, too.

Eli unclasped the sling and supported the cast as he lowered Thrawn’s right hand, brushing the protruding fingers gently before focusing back on the shirt problem.

In the end, undressing Thrawn was far from the romantic thing Eli had perhaps imagined at first, proving to be mostly awkward and a bit painful for Thrawn, what with all of his still recovering injuries, but when Thrawn sat in only his underwear, that was when the fire returned somewhat. 

The Chiss was definitely hard, and it definitely sent warmth throughout Eli’s entire system. The idea that their actions up until that point had aroused Thrawn like it had aroused Eli made the human feel incredibly blessed and loved. 

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of Thrawn’s boxers, and pulled them down gently, requiring as little movement from the Chiss as remotely possible. Eli couldn’t help himself from lowering his own body as he did, so his breath fanned across Thrawn’s naked skin, and he even placed a kiss on the top of both of Thrawn’s feet. 

“Eli…” Thrawn whimpered, both his hands by his sides, like Eli had instructed him moments earlier. He could see the fingers twitching, and smiled, before coming up and kissing Thrawn again. “Eli, please…”

“What do you want me to do, Thrawn?” Eli asked, reveling a little too much, he guessed, in having Thrawn begging for him - he knew this would not be a common occurrence, so he was certain he had to enjoy it while it lasted. Well, he wasn’t enjoying that his lover was injured, of course, and that he had seemingly been through hell, which was partly the reason the Chiss was so needy right now. 

Thrawn applied a little bit of force on the top of Eli’s head, and the human smiled brightly again before taking the hint and kissing a path down Thrawn’s chest, ending up just above the deliciously hard cock he had ignored a little thus far. He diverted a little, placing some feather-light kisses on Thrawn’s thigh, before realizing that they both wanted the same thing and that drawing it out was only going to torture them both, too.

He kissed the tip of Thrawn’s cock, looking up just in time to see Thrawn close his eyes in part relief, part pleasure, and when Thrawn’s head fell backward, a moan was torn from the Chiss as Eli slowly wrapped his lips around the throbbing cock. Kriff, Eli would never get enough of this, of pleasuring Thrawn like this, of having the delicious taste of Thrawn’s precum hitting his taste buds, and he moaned in delight too as he increased the pressure a little. 

A hand landed in Eli’s hair, and Eli quickly checked which hand it was, but was calmed when he saw it was Thrawn’s left. Eli hummed as he took Thrawn’s cock into his mouth all the way, letting it slide towards his throat without much warming up, only Thrawn halting his movements so he didn’t go that far. It was only because of this that Eli didn’t take him in deeper.

This only took about a minute, much too short in Eli’s opinion, until Thrawn pulled on Eli’s hair and made him come up, linking their lips and twining his fingers through the human’s hair. 

“Undress,” Thrawn whispered against his lips, a smile pulling on his own, and Eli couldn’t help but smile himself and even roll his eyes a little.

“I thought I was the one giving the orders this time,” he joked. Thrawn just glared at him.

“Un. Dress.”

Eli chuckled and slipped off the bed, making quick work of his clothes and stifling a sigh of relief when he could finally pull off his underwear, his cock as glad as he was to finally be out in the open. He didn’t miss how Thrawn didn’t take his eyes off of him, and it warmed him from the inside, all the parts that remained cold after their separation.

That was when he realized where they were, and that he hadn’t quite prepared for this as he had in the past, and that they hadn’t discussed going without before.

Thrawn seemed to catch on to the hesitation that suddenly clouded Eli’s mind, and reached out with his good hand to pull him back onto the bed. Eli easily straddled the Chiss’ legs, leaning on his forearms by Thrawn’s side to keep some weight off the other man, so that his injuries wouldn’t hurt him too much.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

“We, uh…  _ I _ … don’t have a condom. Or lube.”

Thus far, they had always used either product, preferably both, even during their quickies. (Thrawn seemed to be quite excellent at hiding items in his Imperial uniform that weren’t exactly standard gear.) Eli had thought about going without before, but the idea had scared him a little or put him off the idea altogether. He figured it mostly had to do with the fact that using lube generally meant incredible foreplay because Thrawn knew how to use it and his mouth and hands, and that always excited him greatly.

Thrawn looked at him seriously, either not knowing why this was a big enough deal for Eli to have doubts, or finding this to be less of a problem than Eli did. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked this of you,” Thrawn said eventually, and Eli could already feel the man pull back, but Eli wouldn’t have any of it. 

“No. No… I’m sorry. I should have come prepared.”

“You couldn’t have known I would desire to be intimate with you. You were simply being a kind person by taking care of me. I took advantage of you.”

Now, Eli rolled his eyes. “If anyone’s taking advantage, it’s me. You’re injured.”

Thrawn was about to say something, perhaps some snooty remark, but he closed his lips and averted his eyes. Eli was instantly alarmed and slid off Thrawn’s lap to sit beside him on the bed. 

“Thrawn? Talk to me, please.”

Thrawn shook his head, and it was about the first time that Eli had experienced the Chiss being stubborn like this. But perhaps it wasn’t stubbornness that made Thrawn behave in this way - perhaps there was more underneath the surface that the older man wasn’t quite articulating properly. 

“I love you so much, Eli,” Thrawn whispered, his good hand brushing Eli’s upper arm. “I just… I guess I just realized that you’re too good for me. And, well…”

“Okay, I take it back, please  _ stop _ talking.” It caused Thrawn to let out a small, brief chuckle, but his eyes still weren’t meeting Eli’s. “Hey. My dear. What’s this really about? ‘Cuz I know it’s not the condoms, I doubt that would make you feel this way.”

Thrawn remained silent for a long time, must have been minutes, and Eli was getting increasingly worried that he had done or said something wrong for his lover to act in this manner. When Thrawn broke their silence, he finally raised his eyes and looked directly into his.

“I almost died,” he started, his voice low and rather subdued. Eli had no trouble hearing what he was saying, and neither did he have trouble discerning what emotions were laying directly under the surface. “I put things into perspective. I was fighting for a life that was already lost, and it took me a while to realize that. I knew my feelings towards you remained unchanged - I love you, and I always have. But I came to realize that… that I want to be with you for as long as I can, yet preferably forever, and… perhaps this is about the condoms, although I must admit, this is not a direction I thought our words would take while nearing lovemaking. But, Eli, my love… I want to be with you. All of you. And Force knows I would have loved for you to settle with someone far greater than I, I am certainly not the best option for you, but I cannot deny my feelings anymore.” He paused. “Eli, you must understand, in Chiss culture, we do not have the same traditions like humans do, we do not have marriages, but it does not mean that we have nothing similar to that. We mate, and we generally mate for life. Unprotected sex is one of many perks, one might say, of being mated to someone. It shows the love and trust that exists between a couple. It is therefore reserved only for mated couples. When you mentioned the condom, I thought about not discussing this, you could not have known, but you deserve to know it, Eli.”

Thrawn went silent then, seemingly attempting to gather his thoughts, but Eli was already far too gone in his own thoughts to notice. Thrawn had a penchant for rambling, especially when he was talking to Eli, but this took the cake. 

Was this just a long-winded way of saying that Thrawn wanted Eli to be his mate? And why, if that was what it meant, did Eli have zero hesitation when it came to his possible answer? 

“What I’m trying to say, Eli, or rather, ask… and I preferred this to be in a more romantic setting, but I have come to learn that life will always try and force your hand before you are ready to do so yourself… will you be my mate?”

“Yes.” Eli didn’t miss a beat. In fact, he wasn’t sure if Thrawn had finished his sentence before he gave his answer. “Yes, I will. A thousand times yes.”

Thrawn looked at him, perhaps unsure whether he had heard the human correctly, or else wondering if the human was sincere in his reply, but when Eli merely smiled brightly at him and looked at the Chiss with love and anticipation, the Chiss returned his bright smile and leaned in close to kiss him.

“Are you certain?”

“Yes.”

“It is a bond that lasts for life, Eli. I would not wish to force you into this unwillingly, or without further consideration on your part.”

“I am well aware it’s for life. That was rather what I agreed to in the first place.”

Thrawn had certainly not expected that, and Eli’s heart warmed when he saw that Thrawn’s eyes filled with tears, and the Chiss put his forehead against Eli’s.

“Really? You will really be my mate?”

“Yes, Thrawn, I will. Gladly, in fact.” Eli’s smile didn’t falter one bit while he reached out and brushed the man’s tears off his cheeks. “You see, while we were separated, I realized something, too. Namely, life is too short not to chase something that makes you feel like the luckiest man in this entire galaxy. Yes, people might want me to chase a career in the Navy and excel at it, but a job is just that, a job. It means nothing if my life isn’t filled with love and happiness. I can find another job that will keep me occupied. If there is one thing that I have realized is that you are that for me. You’re my love and happiness, Thrawn. You make my days worth living, and you never fail to make me smile. Why would I not want that for the rest of my life? I would be an idiot if I were to pass up that opportunity.”

Thrawn simply stared at him for a long time, but Eli was no longer ashamed or scared of anything. Really, the only thing he was now was grateful to be in the arms of the man he loved so damn much and even more grateful that that man would want to spend the rest of his glorious days like this, too. 

When the silence stretched out too long without any movement on either part, Eli leaned in and kissed Thrawn’s lips gently, tentatively, allowing the other to back away if he wished to, but letting him know exactly how he felt all the same.

“How did I come to be so lucky?” Thrawn asked, his lips moving against Eli’s while he spoke. Eli chuckled while hooking an arm around the other, bringing them even closer together while still keeping Thrawn’s injuries in mind.

“I ask myself that every single day that we’re together.”

“We must have done something right.”

Eli nodded and kissed Thrawn again. “I still have to figure out what, but I’m not going to argue with life.”

Thrawn hummed against Eli’s lips, and before they knew it, they were picking up where they had left off. 

“By the way, this explains why you always had a condom available,” Eli said, as he helped Thrawn to sit up mostly straight against the flimsy headboard of the bed. Thrawn flinched briefly as the movement hurt his ribcage, then looked at Eli and  _ blushed _ . It was still such a rare occurrence that Eli absolutely adored seeing the purple flush to the man’s cheeks. 

“That, and I truly did not want to hurt you. I would have asked you sooner,” Thrawn admitted, his injured hand now laying by his hip while his good hand ran through Eli’s hair. “Something always stopped me at the last moment.”

_ The Empire _ , Eli supplied in his head. He didn’t want to bring the mood down by mentioning those dreaded words, but he knew it to be true - the Empire had always been excellent at ruining the lives of the people involved with it. Especially if those people were Thrawn and Eli.

“Well, I’m glad you asked me.” Eli had by now climbed back into Thrawn’s lap, and now that the Chiss was sitting up straight, he could wrap one arm around his neck, and the other resting between their bodies. 

Thrawn smiled up at him, and it was the first of the no doubt endless string of sappy smiles that Thrawn directed at him. The Chiss had always been much softer with Eli, but now that they had taken this massive step together, it seemed it had fully opened a dam, and Eli was here for it all. “So am I. Will we get back to lovemaking now?”

Eli chuckled. “I thought you would never ask. With pleasure.”

And as Eli took hold of Thrawn’s erection, quickly growing again in size while Eli’s fingers handled it, Thrawn’s good hand came to rest on Eli’s hip, helping him to lift himself - then digging into the skin almost painfully when the first few inches of Thrawn’s cock slipped inside of Eli.

It was a completely different experience, and yet it still felt so nice and familiar that Eli simply leaned his forehead against Thrawn’s, and focused most of his attention on that feeling of being penetrated, this time with absolutely no barriers between them. They had both cooled down a little due to their heart-to-heart, but it took barely seconds for Thrawn to swell back to his impressive length while buried deep inside of Eli. It stretched Eli even further, increasing the pleasure it brought him, even if it had become increasingly easier to accommodate Thrawn’s size since their first time. Still, Eli secretly hoped he would never quite get used to that first stretch, as it sent shockwaves throughout his entire system, increasing his pleasure tenfold. 

Eventually, Thrawn was as hard as steel and staring almost mindlessly into Eli’s eyes - and Eli had that beautiful hard cock inside him to the hilt, rubbing against his prostate as he rode Thrawn, leaning back a little to improve the angle, and their passion came so naturally to both of them, so naturally that Eli had to remind Thrawn a couple of times that he was still injured and would only hurt himself if he tried to match Eli’s movements. Thrawn had often been stubborn when it came to Eli, however, and threw all caution into the wind, and despite them staying in the same position, considering that was by far the best one to be in considering Thrawn’s injuries, the rest was like it always had been - love, and trust, and appreciation for the presence of the other and the pleasure that they were giving each other. 

“Thrawn,  _ kriff _ , I’m so close,” Eli breathed, reaching for Thrawn’s hand and putting it on his chest, not really knowing what to do with it as his brain had disconnected from his body some moments before. Thrawn, on the other hand, knew  _ exactly _ what to do with that hand, and when he pinched one nipple into attention, Eli came as a silent scream graced his lips, and his head fell back on its own accord. 

A couple of thrusts later, and Thrawn went rigid before he melted beneath Eli, and the human felt him come inside him, and Eli already knew this was his new favorite way of making love, as long as it was with Thrawn. He lowered himself first onto the Chiss’ chest, but at the last moment realized that wasn’t the best idea considering the broken ribs that would greet him, so he was forced to let Thrawn slip out of him while he lay down beside the love of his life. Eli could feel his seed trickling out of him, his own quickly drying on both their chests. He couldn’t quite put into words how amazing it felt to be filled by Thrawn like this, even when he wasn’t inside him anymore.

Thrawn was still absent, it seemed, his eyes closed in bliss, his breathing slowly becoming more steady. Eli laid his head against Thrawn’s shoulder and looked at the beautiful sight in front of him. 

“I love you,” Thrawn eventually whispered, reaching beside him blindly to search for Eli, and the human helped him and entwined their fingers, resting against the Chiss’ sweaty stomach. “Thank you, Eli. I needed that.”

Eli chuckled and kissed a well-defined pec.

“Anything else I can help you with, dear?”

Thrawn’s eyes opened and searched for his, and Eli could see amusement and love in those piercing red eyes. Gods, he loved this man so much. And now, they were promised mates, promising to love each other until the end of times. Or, until their own lives came to an end. Whichever came first.

“Let’s see… a massage would work. Perhaps a four course meal. Bring out the finest wine my brother-“

“Alright, alright, now you’re just messing with me.”

“You are so fun to mess with, my love.”

Eli smiled and lowered his head against Thrawn’s shoulder again.

Eli Vanto was the luckiest being in this galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this story, please let me know! And I'll see you in future stories that I will no doubt write for these characters because they're so gay and I love them so much. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please let me know in the form of a comment or kudo! Any feedback, positive or negative, would be highly appreciated!


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